It doesn't matter where I am, we're all headed for death anyway.

2:33 AM

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I wonder, at some point in time, did I start to suffocate you? And when you left, did you feel like you could finally breathe fresh air? You were my sun, my moon and all of my stars. But I was just toxic, and if I did things differently, do you think I could save you from my poison somehow?

I tried to decorate the absence with games of play pretend, where the fun was never supposed to end. But I still feel what's missing.

Does it really get better? Or do we just get used to it?

Even pain starts to feel comfortable when you've settled in, but I just want the numb to leave. Am I really better, or did I get better at hiding it?

This is what I get for shoving my sadness down your throat, for strangling you when all I wanted was to be the air you needed.

You're on your way to another life, and I know that I should be well on my way too. I just wish you'd tell me how. Where do I begin? You were the closest thing to home that I've ever experienced, and I never wanted it to end.

I'm destroying my body for a peace of mind I never got. Please put an end to these feelings, but not the drinks.

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