I couldn't care less no more.

2:12 PM

December had always been a month which I anticipated. I guess I'm always looking forward to the end of the year somehow, and for a good closure that comes together with all the other festive seasons.

For the past couple of years, it has brought me surprises, miracles, and more smiles to my face than I could comprehend myself. It's kinda gay but that's the kind of magic that comes along with nearing of an end, for me.

No matter how bad the rest of the year was, December always worked its magic.

This year has been a roller coaster ride with more downs than my heart could take. I lost myself, broke down, and probably gave up many times, only to climb back and fix myself because I had to, for others, but not because I had the will to. I crashed and I burned too much, and I probably killed myself with my thoughts too many times to count.
I hardly saw any light at the end of the tunnel. This year, it was just accelerating down the bottomless pit at different rates, till I felt so numb from the free fall I was left feeling nothing at all.

December this year wasn't any different from the rest of 2013. I thought things might take turn since it was December, even if just a little. But it didn't.
There were certainly a couple of highlights of 2013 as I archived on my blog and I wished I was optimistic enough to hold on to those and hope for the better through the tough times, but I'm not. If I could describe 2013, it'll be disappointments, failures, loneliness, false hopes, stress, anger, anxiety, being constantly stuck in helpless situations, arguments after arguments and unnecessary recollections of the past that only made me wonder, what happened between then and now? But there are so many days this year which I didn't archive and that was because if I did, I'd only have depressing shit to say. It was a horribly disgusting year that flew by in a blink of an eye, but slow enough for all the bad things to materialise.

By now you should have guessed that I didn't really have a great Christmas. It was the worst ever, and I'm not even hesitating about it.

It's 2 more days to New Year's Eve, and I'm no longer hoping for a decent closure anymore. But even though I say that, I'll be spending NYE with my best pals so I guess I'm still strung on the idea of an awesome night with those fools. But whatever bad comes, I'll survive. I wouldn't break down like I did on December 25th.

So dear life, what crap do you have in store for me before 2013 concludes itself?

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