There's no more red lights for me to stop at.

11:32 PM

By the time this post is up, I'm probably already at the airport preparing for my flight. It's finally the next travel venture for me and this time, it's pretty much one of the most yolo decisions in my life.

I'm backpacking solo to New Zealand for two weeks!!

Upon hearing this news, a number of people thought I was crazy haha. They would constantly ask if I'm not the least bit afraid of the possible dangers or what may come. But, that's not gonna stop me, is it? Good goals should scare you a little and excite you a lot, right? Besides, I've always been saying how I'd like to try traveling alone and this is finally an opportunity presented to me. I'm not going to let it slip.

I have a few friends who were really supportive about it and it's heartwarming to know that they do try to understand my dilemma and my motivations behind this trip. Many wrote me off as a reckless nut who doesn't give two shits to anything. Maybe they're not entirely wrong. 
But by the time I started telling some buds about my travel plans, the air tickets have already been purchased LOL. I already knew very well what I wanted, and I didn't want anyone to convince me otherwise.

It took a while to convince my parents, and it's a trip I did a lot of self-reflecting and homework for. Making a decision like this wasn't an overnight thing. It's easy to say that you want to travel the world in search of a greater perhaps or to see things from a bigger perspective - I probably said that too many times to count - but putting your words into action is another. I spent days planning the itinerary, researching and buying some backpacking equipment with the help of an experienced friend, and annoyed him with a lot of questions. I thought: if I really wanted to broaden my perspectives and make this trip as empowering as I'm seeking it to be, then I'll have to get out of my comfort zone. I've always been this... Awkward person and I really hate that about myself. And that was something I wanted to work on. Thus, the reason why I decided on backpacking solo.

Given all the events that have occurred over these past eight months, I've been feeling pretty lost for a while now. There were too many things I fucked up. I'm not quite sure how to put it, but some people would call this an early life crisis? The things that I once believed in wholeheartedly without doubt or question have all suddenly fall apart.

I lost what was my everything. And now, I have nothing left to lose.

Honestly, it brings about a sort of freedom I never thought I missed, but at the expense of losing what I would have called home. I never wanted any of it to end. But it did, and I spent days wondering where am I supposed to go on from here. I've been in this same comfortable spot for years and was genuinely happy during my stay, till the abrupt end that I never saw coming. I've had friends telling me to "move forward", and I don't know which direction I'm heading towards, but I guess change is always better than remaining stagnant. 

So, to head to a destination that's free of my sins, a place where memories won't haunt me, a space I would make the best of and call my own; to start on a clean slate. The idea is more than just liberating. And I've been doing everything in my own power to make this dream a reality, because that's the only thing left I can do for myself.

It's pretty timely. There's a two week break before the start of my internship, and I have always wanted to try backpacking. It thrills me to be able to experience another culture and interact with the people I'd get to meet along the way. Just thinking back on the ventures in Japan reignites my burning desire to travel!!!

I guess you could stay tuned to this space to keep up with my adventures in New Zealand hue hue. I doubt I'll update it during my stay there cause well, if I have the time to be typing away on my phone I should be exploring the town instead LOL. I'll be heading to the South Island! It's early spring over there, which is pretty much about the same temperature as when I headed to Japan (an average of ten degrees in the day and about two at night). Omg yes no more humid weather.

So till then folks!!!

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