Heart over mind.

This is probably one of the worst nights.

I don't want to give two fucks about you, about her, about them, about my work and everything else. But I can't because I always affected by everyone's opinion of me. As much as I tell myself it doesn't matter, it does. Be it strangers or close ones, every word said always affects me.

I wish I could put up a stronger font and act like I don't give a damn, or be more confident about myself but the fact is I can't. I'm not even gonna try and deny the fact that I'm weak, because I am. I'm so sick of putting on that facade of smiles. Yeah I get it no one is telling me to but hey would anyone refer a sulk over that?

I didn't want to get all emotional, especially up here. Maybe it's the alcohol. But I wouldn't have taken the bottle if it weren't for the events that has transpired over the past few days. Weeks even. For the start of my holidays, it really sucks. But now that it's messing with my mind and vision, I'll probably forget all of that shit, even for just a couple of hours, and not have nightmares or sleepless nights for once since the start of my holidays.

Maybe I'll delete this post tomorrow. Who knows.

I don't really want to care and god bless me I hope I don't go back to my old ways in this emotional state.