It's a matter of perspective.

2:25 AM

Sometimes, I look back at the old me and find myself so laughable. I was always wearing my heart on my sleeve, and while I didn't have a negative outlook towards my life, I was often wallowing in self pity, wondering why I was feeling the way I did without physically trying to fix it. When things don't work out the way I want them to, I never stopped to question if it was my way of doing - I just needed to find something or someone to blame.

Maybe some traits haven't exactly gone, I can get quite defensive sometimes. But in these two years, I've seen myself change more than I thought was possible. I'm not sure if it's because travelling helped me to be more in tune with myself, or if it's because I've hit rock bottom a few times back then and had no way to go but up.

Am I ashamed of my past? Maybe, sometimes. Do I regret some of the mistakes I made? Yeah, sadly I do. I would like to stop myself from committing some mistakes and take back some of the words I've said that still leave a bitter aftertaste on my tongue.

But most of all, I wish I had laughed and focused on myself more.

In the times when life was fine, not particularly interesting and a little boring, I could have appreciated those moments more. Now that I look back on those days, what I had wasn't so bad. Why was I always unhealthily harping on the things that I did not have? Why didn't I see what's before me? It's only after I hit rock bottom did my view of the world change, and I focused on what's left that mattered most to me.

It's easy to lose sight of the things you have when they are always within your reach. But when you remind yourself about the times you've lost, the battles you've fought and the things you've gained from then on, I think it serves as a great reminder to always be appreciative, and a great encouragement to know that bad times don't last. You haven't lost your passion, you still have choices, and you have or may meet people that love you. I made mistakes and have regrets, that's okay. In retrospect, those life lessons sorted me out.

What you don't have isn't the reason why you're miserable. It's your choice to see if the glass is half empty or half full.

That doesn't make it so difficult to be happy with the life you have and yourself, does it?

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