26th January 2014: Happy birthday Brandon!

"You appear just like a dream to me, just like all the kaleidoscope colours that cover me. All I need, every breath that I breathe. Don't you know, you're beautiful."


Thank you for the smiles you've given me. I can't explain how lucky I feel to have someone as patient and as understanding as you. You've never once put me down, and you've always been that motivation for me to work harder and strive towards something better.

And I'm sorry for all the bad I've put you through - the broken promises, my tantrums, the hurt. It kills me each time I think about what I should have done, and if I could change the bad that I've done, I would. I never want to see that pained expression again.

But honestly, I've never met quite a guy who made me feel like I was beautiful on my bad hair days or when I'm having a breakout. As much as my pride hates to admit this, you've undoubtedly, gradually, become a source of happiness for me.

People always say, "never let your happiness depend on someone else" or "never depend on someone so much that when they leave, you lose yourself too". I always had my fears after the last, but I thought that maybe this time, I'll let myself be vulnerable.

And you were different. You've been the best boyfriend (and a best friend) that I could ever ask for.
Even after all this time, you still give me butterflies.

We can't promise our future, our what it may bring, but

I will never regret the day I fell for your smile.

It was the start of something, and it will always be that something

Thank you, for everything.

"In absence of love, we hold onto those who we have fleeting moments with, in some naive hope they complete those times we have yet to live."

"Everyone says that I've got my guard up. You told me to let those walls down between us, but why would I do that? It's people like you who I always let too close for you to hurt me."


These days have been crazy hectic for me, I think.

Just too many assignments to rush, too many things I want to do, too many things I have to do and my part-time job of course. If being physically busy isn't enough, my mind has been bugging me and my emotional state with the stupidest thoughts. So I practically have zero time on my hands.
Considering my workload, blogging is not of the utmost importance but I did promise myself to archive my days after all. Dayre seems to be helping me with that lol even though its layout sucks.

So anyway, the week after NP's open house was to most hectic week ever. Visualise graded assignments due dates popping up on your laptop calendar like every day. Yep that's my life for you. The start of this week was not that fantastic either cause there was a Social Psychology test to study for. I paced myself to study 3 days in advance and yet, I procrastinated up until the midnight before. Weeeeeellll my weekends were spent on CNY shopping and steamboat with the primary school gang so.

I keep telling myself it's 3 more weeks to the end of this semester and that I should persevere and stop my cutting of classes. I hope I'll be able to do that at least.

I need this semester to end. Honestly I'm not really looking forward to Year 2 either argh.

In some point in our lives, we experience fleeting moments of happiness, devastation, fear, worry and anticipation. And these moments are very often short-lived. You'd think that you'll remember them years down the road, because it meant that much to you. But, as time passes, the memory of then fades. It loses the saturation, the emotions, the details, till eventually, you could only barely remember the skeletal of what had happened. And even then, you probably mixed up the course of events to what you imagined to have happened. You probably paint a prettier picture of that moment too. I don't think you can depend on the human mind to remember these little events.

So, I was reading a couple of posts from a couple of years ago and it brought back feelings of the days and moments that I thought I had forgotten. It was a faint tinge of emotions, nothing particularly heart wrenching, but nostalgic nonetheless.

However, there are always some people or songs that you'll never forget, no matter how much time has passed or how many people have came and went out of your life or how many new tracks you've got after you deleted the old. It still lingers at the back of your mind, and you never thought that you had access to it till something triggers the recollection of that memory. The memory might have been less vivid, it might have lesser emotional strings attached after time has eroded its rawness, but it still is there. Your efforts to forget them will probably be futile. Those are the people who had the power to love and hurt you. Even today, they still do. And as much as you think things may have changed over the years, they still have that control over your being. And they probably always will, even if just a little.

To those people, you've given them a part of you then. And that part of you, I feel, is something that'll  always stay with them, no matter how you thought you've managed to collect the pieces of you that you've given away.

It's been a crazy, hectic, exhausting 3 days of Ngee Ann Poly's Open House 2014 with the Ambassadors.

Say hi to my singing/doodling buddy from the same CCA (fencing) back in the lower sec days.


Half of Cosine in 1F/2F with a missing Arif.

This picture is unfocused (idk who took it but argh why you why) and my calves look way too muscular and huge but I think the photo is nice so who cares.

I have always been proud of the fact that I was part of 1F/2F, especially so when we are a tightly knit bunch despite the number of years that have passed and the different classes we've been streamed into.
We may have our own groups or cliques right from the start, but everyone kinds of just gels with... Everyone. I thought that that was something special, since it wasn't that way with my upper sec class. But it's been 5 years and even though everyone has changed in some way or another, I still feel so at home with these people. I guess some things will never change.



Cycling at ECP April 2009 // Beach cleaning CIP 2009 with our geography teacher Mr Iliyas // Racial Harmony Day '09 with our form teacher, Mrs Chan // 1st class chalet @ Changi Aloha Seafront June'10



At the seaside on Day 1 of our 1st chalet // Racial Harmony Day'10 with our Physics teacher, Mdm/Ms (?) Vasanti // Our 2nd chalet at Changi Loyang after a water battle // Night 1 of 2nd Chalet, on the way to Changi Village




On the way back from Changi Village // Supporting the Chinese Orchestra members at their Flute Recital June'11 // Racial Harmony Day'11 taken outside our Sec 1 class // Last day of our 3rd chalet at Coasta Sands




Christmas meeting at Mrs Chan place '11 // Supporting the Symphonic Band members at Appassionato IV // Group shot while walking along Esplande // Racial Harmony Day'12



4th class chalet @HometeamNS Sembawang, our first 3D2N.



Annual Class chalet with the lower sec class - 1F'09/2F'10 (1st Jan 2014 - 4th Jan 2014)

There are more class photos taken but I'm not gonna post them up here cause the picture quality is really bad. Just by looking at them makes my eyes hurt lol. Thank god for DSLRs since 2012.


This class chalet, I guess I found another group of drinking buddies aside from zhizikemi. Inititally, it was supposed to be a 3D2N chalet but some of us just wasn't sober enough to get out of bed from last night's crazy drinking session, so that few of us had another day extended. And had another crazy night.

With just 6 of us, we downed 6 bottles of alcohol during our stay. Looking at the 6 empty bottles, which Christian took home, we were all like "achievement unlocked!" It was a hell of a night. There were so many inside jokes and hilarious moments. I won't ever forget the past 3 nights and the good company.

So since the start of 2014 I have (for the first time) released a sky lantern, got drunk, drowned myself in alcohol for four days straight, got so wasted I couldn't even walk myself to the bathroom or remember much from the night before.
Honestly, I'm not exactly proud of the fact that I got wasted (it's damn embarrassing actually) or drank for four days in a row, cause I really feel like I needed to get a life BUT everyone else was telling me "it's just during NYE and chalet" so I was just like oh yeah screw that might as well. I think the alcohol played a part in the decision making too.


I can't wait for the next chalet with these folks xx.

Pretend couple photo ziman x zhiyi 1.


Pretend couple photo mirabelle x kelvin 2.



more photos up on Facebook.

The pictures pretty much sums up my last few moments of 2013, and the first few of 2014.

New Year's Eve with my girls (half of Cosine/pioneer batch of female epeeists) and zhizikemi is the best, ever. It's been five years with them all, and probably more for some.

It was Strictly Pancakes with the girls, followed by some Canelé and Starbucks. Sometime around the evening, me and Ziman went to meet our two bbfs for the rest of the night.

Releasing a sky lantern was a first for me, and I'm so glad I managed to get my hands on a couple of them the day before just by searching "sky lantern sale singapore" LOL. Man how will I ever survive without Google.
After releasing that sky lantern with all of our nonsensical and heartfelt wishes and hopes for 2014, the feels as you see all of that go into the night sky is inexplicable, and I think that it is something worth including in one's bucket list.
When it was officially midnight, everyone was just screaming Happy New Year to strangers on the street. I thought that was really heartwarming.



Thank you 2013 for the good and the bad you've put me through, and for the best 31st December celebration in the past 17 years I lived.